____________________ (fill in the blank).
All of the above? Yes, yes I think so. Because I don't make money blogging, I often feel selfish when I do it. I mean, it really is a source of pleasure for me; I get to write, take pictures, dabble in web-design, show off my creations, show off my kid. I say show-off because that's what it feels like I'm doing, even though that is not my intention.
Part of me wants blogging to be a source of income. Then I could really say, "I'm a blogger." That said, I really don't want it to become a chore, an obligation, something with deadlines and guidelines and all that mumbo-jumbo. I am notoriously unhappy with tasks when I have to do them.
Long ago, I wrote a post about social networking, and why it is weird. I feel the same way about blogging. I yearn for the validation of knowing that people are reading my words. I hate the idea that people are reading my words. They're mine. Why do I want to share them?
I have kept several journals over the course of my life and I sometimes find it therapeutic to write without purpose, spilling whatever comes to my mind. It's almost like yelling: it can make me feel better, but I don't do it that often because if I did, I'd be crazy. My journaling usually spirals into complaining and feeling sorry for myself, which is why I refrain from doing it with regularity.
Blogging on the other hand, forces more reflection. When you know others may read what you write, you take special care to not make yourself look like an idiot. Blogging requires a writer to be more critical of herself, more refined. I'm not saying I'm refined, 'cause trust me, I'm not, but I do like to put effort and thought into what I put on my blog. I write to entertain myself, in the hopes that I can entertain others.
Are you not entertained? Is that not why you are here? Aw, come on, you're just bein' nosey! Because, honestly, who can resist an anteater?